Category Archives: Satire

Humor

Volcanos and Cow Farts!

Every time there is a major volcanic eruption on the planet, more pollutants are thrown into the upper atmosphere in a day than all the fossil fuel emissions since the discovery that coal burns, prior to the industrial revolution.  Yes, both have an effect on the climate, but which one do you think is greater?

Climate alarmists like Swedish high school dropout Greta Thunberg can stand on an outdoor stage at a massive “Climate Change” rally and rant about how we must totally eliminate the use of fossil fuels or we’ll all be under water in a few years.  What she doesn’t mention is that the power for the lights and public address system comes from a massive diesel powered generator backstage.

In truth, the whole climate change issue is like an elaborate game of “Wack-a-Mole” at the county fair.  In the 1970’s and 80’s the big fear was that we were about to enter a new Ice Age because of global cooling, induced by a hole in the protective Ozone Layer, and  caused by the propellants in women’s hair spray.  When that was debunked they moved on to fluorocarbons in refrigerators, freezers and air-conditioners.

Next, professors at a small college in Britain came up with the theory of “Global Warming” to justify the continuance of their grant to study the supposed phenomena.  Initially the scientific community jumped on like lemmings, and there was said to be a “consensus” among scientists that it was actually happening.  However, as actual data was examined dispassionately, it became obvious that the planet wasn’t warming at a rapid rate at all.  Back to the drawing board. Continue reading Volcanos and Cow Farts!

I’m a Terrorist!

Okay, it’s official. I am a terrorist.  I’ve posted my picture above so all you Biden supporters will know what a full blown American terrorist looks like.

I came to this realization this morning when I heard what the POTUS said in a speech yesterday. Quote:

“The MAGA crowd” the “most extreme political organization that’s existed in American history—in recent American history.”

Joe Biden

So, I join with the tens of millions of Americans who had the temerity to vote for Donald Trump in being labeled a “Domestic Terrorist”.  Who knew it would come to this?  Damn! If I didn’t have one artificial knee and the other swollen and bone on bone, I’d grab a pitchfork and a torch and protest in front of the closest Ben & Jerry’s I can find!

Maybe I’ll be joined by other “Terrorists” who believe in secure borders, law and order, freedom of speech, the right to keep and bear arms and all those antiquated concepts contained in our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  Perhaps I can persuade the “Birthing Person” I have been married to for the last fifty-two years to join me at the barricade.  She prefers Publix ice cream anyhow.

In the vein of Dr. Martin Luther King’s famous speech, “I have a dream”.   I dream of a day when sanity returns to our national discourse, when we remember what made us the greatest nation the world has ever known.  A day when millions of younger Americans will join in a March on Washington, led by senior citizens using walkers and canes. 

When we get there, we will thank all the lobbyists, politicians and bureaucrats for their service, and respectfully show them the door.  Then we will proceed to remember our roots and indeed”

Make America Great Again!

Take The Bus?

Somedays I think my head is going to explode, and today was definitely one of those. Riding to my part time job this morning, I was listening to Breitbart News.  It seems that  Americans are being given advice from an individual at Bloomberg News as to how to survive the runaway inflation caused by the actions of the Brandon/Roundheels administration.

I had just filled up my car for roughly twice the cost to do so the day before those clowns took office in January of last year.  A ten dollar steak at Costco is now twenty dollars, and certain items seem to be disappearing from the shelves at my local supermarket.  Must be a Russian plot.  Anyway, I concentrated on Bloombergs list, and this is what I remember:

  1. Don’t drive your car on Sunday.  You will get the added benefit of aerobic exercise walking ten miles round trip to church.
  1. No more meat from those flatulent animals!  Eat lentils instead for your protein. Then YOU can produce the flatulence!
  1. Don’t drive your car at all.  Take the bus or subway instead.
  1. No more air travel.  Take night trains (not too sure what’s the matter with day trains.  They didn’t go into that).

At that point I couldn’t hear anymore suggestions.  I was too busy screaming obscenities at the radio! Continue reading Take The Bus?

Is Goulash In My Future?

Never in my wildest dreams could I have conceived that I could consider another country on the planet to be a better place to live than the place of my birth, the United States of America.  However, in the last fifteen years or so I have seen this country transformed from “The Shinning City on a Hill” that Ronald Reagan envisioned, into something akin to the “Hotel California” by The Eagles.  Look up the words to that song.  It is a place which “Could be heaven or it could be hell”, a place where “You can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave.”

American liberals have been chipping away at our Constitution for a very long time, but the most egregious assault started with the election of our forty-fourth president, Barack Hussein Obama.  Obama was obviously different from all those who preceded him.  It wasn’t just that he was of mixed races, with an African father and a caucasian mother born in this country.  He was the first president who had a desire to “Fundamentally Transform America”, and far too many people were afraid, possibly out of fear of being labeled “racist”, to ask……. “Into what?”

Since the day he took office in January of 2009 this country has been on a downward trajectory.  This path was briefly halted by the unlikely election of Donald Trump in 2016. This brash, often uncouth and profane man actually has many redeeming qualities, but the most important one was that he unabashedly loves this country, and has never been afraid to express that simple fact.  That instantly made him the target of political elites on both sides of the aisle.  He didn’t talk or indeed act like a politician.  He didn’t play by the rules of the “Swamp”.  Therefore, he must be removed.  Until that happened, he must be stymied at every turn as he attempted to keep the pre-election promises he made to the American people.  They were quite simple.

Close our southern border by building “The Wall”.  Stop wasting the blood of our servicemen and women in pointless never-ending wars overseas, spending trillions of borrowed dollars in the process.  Reverse the outsourcing of American industry and jobs to foreign countries, particularly China.  Make this country energy independent, not subject to energy blackmail by foreign producers like the members of OPEC.  Despite vigorous attempts to throw up roadblocks at every opportunity, he was successful in beginning to tackle these issues until the onset of the Wuhan Pandemic in late 2019.  At that time our economy was booming.  Virtually every American who wanted to work had a job, and wages were rising, particularly among lower skilled and minority workers. Continue reading Is Goulash In My Future?

Our Own Darth Vader

 

America now has a Darth Vader of its own.  He’s tall, he’s black, and you can’t see his face because he’s wearing a black face mask and a plastic face shield.  If he gets the heavy breathing as part of his repertoire, he will no doubt terrify our enemies!

Soon, all federal employees will probably be similarly attired, by federal mandate.  Will that include our military as well?  Our fighter pilots already fill the bill, with helmets on, face shields down, and oxygen masks in place.

And it’s official.  All American school children should be masked and separated by plexiglass shields for the 2021-2022 school year. “All vil be vell if ve just just OBEY ORDERS!” Says our Commander in Chief, Führer Biden, unt his stooge, “Round Heels Harris”.

Why is all this going on?  There is a new strain of the Covid-19 virus called the “Delta Variant”.   It is apparently more contagious that the original strain, but much less harmful, basically like a mild cold.  No matter! We can be controlled just as we were last year.  And by the way, pay no attention to the masses of illegal aliens streaming across our southern border and being distributed around our nation!  It’s xenophobic, even racist to ask if they test positive for Covid-19 or have been fully vaccinated.

Our enemies watch all this with amazement, I’m sure.  Not only won’t we oppose their schemes for world domination, we will assist them.  Well, some of us will. Others will stand up and expose this insanity.  Which are you?  You don’t have much time to decide before that becomes a moot point.

American “Justice”?

Ponder this scenario.  There is a knock at your front door.  When you open it, you are confronted by a man in a black “hoodie” who is pointing a gun at your head.  He forces you back inside and then terrorizes you and your wife for the next several hours, systematically stealing everything of value that he can physically carry on his person. 

Then, as a final outrage, he lights some of your drapes on fire, pistol-whips you and your wife, and leaves you bleeding and dazed on the floor of your now burning house. Thankfully, you are able to put out the fire with a garden hose, and call 911.  That’s when the real disaster starts.

Instead of talking to a 911 dispatcher, you get a recording, asking you to leave a discription of your problem, your address and a telephone number for a callback.  Shocked, you do so, and then go to get your handgun, which was locked in a small gun safe under your bed.  Since it was unloaded for safety measures, you load it and then tend to your wife, who is bleeding from a head wound the same as yours.

Now cowering in fear in your bedroom, you hear a noise from the living room.  Revolver in hand, you cautiously investigate the sound, only to discover that your assailant has returned with two other men, one black and one hispanic.  They are removing your big screen television, your desktop and laptop computers, and are loading all of these items and more into your new SUV, which was parked in the garage.  The keys for the vehicle were on the kitchen counter.

Enraged, you fatally shoot your original assailant and wound the other two men as they run out the door after firing shots at you from their own weapons.  Your trials aren’t over however. Continue reading American “Justice”?

BLM “Militia”?

It’s official.  The lunatics are now in charge of the asylum.   Mayors and city councils in various Democrat controlled cities around the country are now proposing to defund and/or disband their police departments.  Civil order would now be maintained by some amorphous, non-threatening organization.  Perhaps “Black Lives Matter” or the Southern Poverty Law Center would be tasked with setting up “Militias” to keep the peace.  I’m sure they would do a far better job than the racist organizations currently in control.

The inner cities already have core groups in place, ready to take command and control. Remember the “New Black Panthers” standing guard outside Philadelphia voting precincts during the 2008 elections?  The ones that Eric Holder, Obama’s “Wingman” Attorney General refused to prosecute for voter intimidation?  They’re the perfect model for the new, non-racist militia.

Perhaps a “Black Panther Youth” organization could be formed with the sole task of seeing that ballots are collected from peoples homes, so they wouldn’t have to go through the unpleasant  process of going to polling places to vote.  Demeaning identification would not be required, of course.   A verbal affirmation that the individual is a legal citizen and resident of the state would be deemed sufficient, and in any language they are comfortable with.  These young people would be armed of course, to protect the sanctity of the ballots. Continue reading BLM “Militia”?

A Small Round Hole

I don’t know about you, but the more I watch the various Trump hating commentators on television, the more I begin to have a recurring fantasy dream.  Suddenly, in the middle of their rant, a small round hole appears in their forehead.  Undeterred, they keep on spewing the drivil. 

“Orange man BAD!” They say.  Orange man wants to kill: (Old people, various minorities, all Democrats, or just plain anyone who disagrees with him. Take your pick).  Orange man wants to steal another election.  Orange man wants to be a dictator.  They drone on and on.  Then it strikes me.  The reason these intellectual Zombies don’t fall over with the bullet in their brain is simply because they are already brain dead!

Hillary Clinton should be our President!  There’s a scary thought.  Joe Biden should be our President!  That’s an even scarier one.  Bernie Sanders should be our President!  That’s the scariest thought of all.  Well, maybe not.  Vice President Stacey Abrams replacing Joe Biden a few months after the election is even more terrifying!  Continue reading A Small Round Hole

You Can’t Fix Stupid – Ver. 2.0

Just when I think  the impeachment debacle can’t get any worse, something comes along to prove me wrong.  This time it came from Congressman Hank Johnson (D-Ga.).  You remember him, the room temperature IQ individual who, as a member of the House Armed Services Committee, asked Navy Admiral Robert Willard, head of the U.S. Pacific Fleet, if an increase in the number of Marines stationed on the island of Guam wouldn’t overpopulate it to the point that it would “Capsize”.  His actual statement was:

“My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize,”. Willard paused and replied, “We don’t anticipate that.” Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid – Ver. 2.0

You Can’t Fix Stupid!

The left in this country continues to exhibit its arrogance, ignorance and yes, stupidity. The latest example of this is the furor over plastic polluting the planet. That has caused the banning of plastic straws in some super-liberal parts of the country.  It seems that plastic straws, because of their size, don’t get picked up by the recycle sorting machines. Well guess what? 

A recent research study discovered that something over 90 percent of the plastic we “recycle” ends up in our landfills anyway.  Turns out its not economically feasible to grind it up and melt it down (or whatever they do) to make new plastic products.  That worked well for aluminum cans, which started the recycling craze, which then spread to newspaper and cardboard.  Most newspaper doesn’t really get recycled and reused either, since it is very costly to removed the ink and come up with reusable paper.

No matter.  Recycling made people FEEL better about themselves.  It was similar to the rationing which went on during World War Two in this country.  We actually had plenty of sugar, coffee, meat and even gasoline to go around, unlike Great Britain, which was being staved out by the German submarine blockade.  However, the Roosevelt administration thought it was important for the civilian population of this country to feel like they were DOING SOMETHING to help in the war effort.  So the ration books got printed up and distributed. Continue reading You Can’t Fix Stupid!